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28 June 2008 @ 02:44 pm
Because I absolutely loathe my family...  
Hmmm...A rant I wrote a few weeks ago.

These last few days have been terribly intriguing. Though pestering my friends with every fiber of my being would suffice for anyone but myself. I feel an exceeding desire to go on a bit of a rant about how "brilliant" my life is.

Firstly, my parents. My two loving divorced parents. Getting good already eh?
The two act on two different sides of the coin. Dad being the strong willed, logical, and seemingly reasonable type and my Mom, with the 'you are going to do it my way, whether i be right or wrong' perspective. Which shockingly enough doesn't sit well with someone of my age and personality.

Yes we have our tiffs, but what teenager doesn't? But masked by the all school girl attitude I am forced to behold among third parties, I am a bit of a rebel. (Very funny if you know me and happen to be reading this guys, but it's true.) I am oddly very persisstant and not one thing goes un-talked about, or at least un-noticed. I have a tendancy to bring up everything, for I would like an answer. A little inquisty bugger I am, eh?

So asking permission to see a few friends (which just happen to be males) seems simple enough right? I have a ride, someone to watch my younger sibling whilst I am away, and an innocent agenda. Everything is settled with the reasonable one, but once calling up my mother to tell her what I had in store for the day she was absoultely furious. Frankly...I couldn't see why. So trying to take things calmly, but with her unfathomably ability to turn every possible thing into being your own fault, things escalated into a heated discussion.

I would like to say that these things happen only on occasion...but sadly I can't. So mother starts to ramble on about everything that I have ever done badly about my life since birth. Endearing, huh? Everything from that C I got in Dr. Ed since my teacher is a total moron, to how I forgot to make my bed that Thursday in 6th grade. And you wonder why my dad is reffered to as the "Reasonable One".

All in all after tears, and if continued blood, my mother caved. As always. She always seems to put out such a strong rebuttle...but when you actually listen to the words that fall from her well lined lips, they make no sense whatsoever. So I try to put myself in her shoes...but nothing. Nothing that even slightly resembles her perspective appeals to my being.

So, as a last resort I apologize. Worth a shot huh? So I add a few yes's and of course mom's when necessary as she spits out imperitant information, until I have once again gotten my way with my inherited sense of stubbornness.

All is well, as I spend a blissful day with my friend down near the shore, accompied by a friend of his who is completely smitten by my charm, and a rather attractive little brother. Seeing a movie, the mall, and a few various other teen activites, I am well on my way home, only to be welcomed by an awkward sit-down with my brother, mom, and stepdad. One of them seeming to be glaring at me under her soft brown eyes. (Three guesses who.)

Everything SEEMS alright. And I tend to use the word seem thoughout this passage to show that not everyone is not how they seem...

The day passes, and I awake to watch my little brother whilst my beloved mother runs errands, and the stepdad is out helping people at work, yatta yatta yatta. Only to get a phone call from my father. Oh yes dad. My familiar refuge whenever be needed right? Of course. Offering me sweet advice on how to make today the best day I can, and how to settle things with my mother. Then the subject of report cards come up. My stomach lunges, knowing that I honestly haven't done the best that I can, no matter how many times I like to think that I did and the teachers are just mindless imbisles. He speaks of a chart that somehow has been decreasing...that chart being a prop to show my grades.

My freshman year I had been at the top. The crem de la crem. The very best in my class. For an entire year I had soared above the ignorant little whiners that filled the seats around me, until I had gotten by first B+. What a sorrowful day. Vowing that would never, ever happen again...Shortly afterwards...I recieved my MacBook.

The MacBook. So very sleek, so very jam packed with information it seems completely idotic to think that it could ruin your life. Think again. Instantly I was overwhelmed in a place where I could portray myself as anything I wanted to be, in sweet sweet secrecy behind the computer screen. It was amazing. Until the point where it had taken over my life. Taken over my summer. Taken over every thought that coursed through my head. Taken over me.

After many months of battling the internet world, something had finally roused within me where I no longer felt I needed to be apart of it. And what a happy day that was. I could spend as little or as much time as I wanted without feeling the need to have the keys brushing beneath my fingertips. Things were great. Grades came back to where the were supposed to be, and again I was ontop of the world. Until...my social life kicked in.

Up until now I had no social life. Yes, there were the 3 friends I called once in a while to see what was for homework..but there were no dates, no parties, no concerts. Depressing huh? I thought so too. Soon I began to branch out, talk to different groups of friends. And it was GREAT. I was more confident to say how I felt, more confident to BE whoever I wanted to be. Soon after I was the funny girl, the nice girl, and becoming to be the slightly attractive girl where boys were FINALLY starting to notice. Everything seemed to be going my way. Until...report cards.

Normally all A's would have been a force of habit, and I would find myself literally laughing at everyone who was actualy worried about what they were getting. I found myself asking "How could they NOT know, what they got?". So when coming home from Track one day to find a report card thrown askew on the dining room table instead of hung proudly on the fridge, my heart sank. Glancing at the page I found one letter I had never seen before. C.

Everything went completely downhill from there. I stopped caring about school. What was the point? I was little Miss Perfect A+ for the last 14 years, why not take on some other lifestyle for a change? I found myself rolling my skirt, daring to wear those bright pink socks which were completely against school regulation, and talking to friends. I had friends. Yeah, my grades were slipping, but somehow a great feeling coursed through me. It felt GREAT to be TiffConn.

So now school has ended. Friends have parted their seperate ways, and I am alone. And this brings me back to the phone discussion on my dad where he has me wondering if this care-free lifestyle is really worth my legendary downfall. It isn't. But now I have no idea what to do. Dumbstruck, I hang up the phone and call my mother. As if things would get any better.

She rambles on about how I am not doing literally anything for anyone but myself. Anyway I like to re-phrase it, it still means the same thing. And for the first time, my mom actually was the logical one. How did I become this? How did I become the girl with the 4.7 GPA to the girl who would rather talk to friends on the phone than study for her finals? Then I find out that she is using my password on the internet to see what I have been up to. Have I really come down to the point where my mother doesn't even trust me anymore? To the point she suspects something is wrong with me? How on earth did I ever get this far, and why didn't anyone warn me that this was going to be tougher than I ever imagined?